Session 1
I inserted the picture above of the diagram that is shown in the CPT Manuel.
Below I elaborated on each symptom.
Here's what I've been dealing with (slowly escalating the past 17 years)
- Aggression - fights in high school. I am constantly arguing with anyone.
- Self harm - picking. I constantly pick at my face, chest and thighs. (STUCK POINT) Most of the time with a sewing needle. I pick until it's bleeding a good amount and then I constantly pick the scabs until they scar. I hate the scars.
- Substance abuse- I started smoking and trying (experimenting) (STUCK POINT) with drugs after the incident. Stopped drugs when I met David. I still smoke off and on, depending on if I'm pregnant or breastfeeding. I don't care about the side effects.
- Binging - I eat very little all day long. Coffee for breakfast, Coke for lunch, Ensure after work and I binge ring before bed. I eat until I can't eat anymore. But I'm not over or underweight. 5'2'' and 125 pounds.
- Avoidance of thoughts (STUCK POINT) - of course.
- Behavioral avoidance - ? I try to avoid people sitting or standing too close to me. (STUCK POINT)
- Disassociation - worst in my car. I don't ever listen to music anymore - I hate it. It brings emotion. (STUCK POINT) I have four news apps on my phone and every preset station in my car is NPR.
- Emotional shutdown - I try my damndest to not show any sad emotion to anyone. It is a weakness.
- Social withdrawl - I can count my "true friends" on 3 fingers - maybe 4 at the most. My husband, my sister (in Missouri) and a college roommate (in Missouri). The 4th is a colleuge I've only known for 5 years. I avoid a lot of conversations with her because she's a pessimist. I don't go anywhere with friends. I rarely (once a month) catch up with my Missouri friend. My husband and I never have alone time to talk. Other than work, I have no social life (unless you count Facebook) and 95% of my workday is spent talking to 4 & 5 year olds.
- Withdrawl from activities: I hate going to church. I hate watching my husband spend the day with his family when mine is 500 miles away. I don't join social groups. I avoid one-on-one conversations with adults. I'd rather speak in front of a group of 500 strangers than talk to one stranger one-on-one. I avoid any place where there's people I don't know. (STUCK POINT) I feel very uncomfortable.
- Physical complaints - my stomach hurts constantly. (STUCK POINT) I've had to use an enema almost daily for the past year and a half. I hate having to poop. I hate having to push. I feel vulnerable and uncomfortable. Instead of sitting there for 15 minutes trying to poop I just think of all the other things I need to do. My diet sucks. It consists of sweets, Ensure, Coke, and binging before bed. I even had surgery the summer of '13 to try to solve the stomach issues. The doctor thought an apt on my fallopian tube caused the pain. After 3 incisions and a case of ecoli, no change in my stomach. To this very day I deal with it.
