#14 Therapy Session 4

Tuesday, April 1st, 2014

I went into therapy today.  I read Session 3 aloud to my therapist.  I didn't think it was too hard to do.

After I was done she told me about my body language as I read it.  Unknowingly to me, I was tightening my legs as they were stretch out along the couch.  I kept crossing and moving them.  She also said my jaw was very tightened.  My voice also changed from weak to heavy. 

I didn't notice any of that as I read it.  My mind was on my words. 

Then I read my entry about my dream.

She looked at me as if she was in shock.  I asked, "This IS normal, right?"

She asked me if I had decided to look Kyle up online after she told me she couldn't find him.

I told her, flat out, NO.  I do not want to know anything more than whether there's a chance I could see him again while visiting my dad.   My brain has blocked out his face for a damn good reason, and I don't want to chance seeing his photo online. 

She then told me that she had lied to me about finding him.  She didn't want me to know... yet.  He was not in jail.  Never (as far as she could see on his records) has been.  He lives in the same area. 

He is a dad with two children.

He has a wife.

He is a lawyer.

He is a lawyer?

She asked me if there was any way I would know that information and would have blocked it out. 

No.  I have never, ever, seen or heard anything about him since the accounts.

I said it was a coincidence... my dream and his real profession.

She said it was more than a coincidence.  She said it was spiritual.  Something was preparing me.  I needed to know. 

I said it was a coincidence. 

She asked me how I felt now.

I said, "Good."  She asked why.  I said, "This means it was only me."

#15 Session 4 Asssignment

Write the whole incident again as soon as possible.  

If you were unable to complete the assignment the first time, please write more than last time.  

Add more sensory details and your thoughts and feelings during the incident.  

Also, this time write your current thoughts and feelings in parentheses.

My therapist said I already did a good job of this in Session 3.  So, I need to rewrite it in chronological order and add current feelings.  I also have a few ABC worksheets she asked me to complete. 
1) He thought I was sleeping.
2) What did he want with me?
3) I couldn't speak up.
4) Why didn't I yell louder?

Rewrite:

Before I began writing details, I actually sat down and calculated the age, grade, and year the incidents occurred.

May of 1997.  I was 12 and in 7th grade. 

In August of 1996, I lived in St. Charles, Missouri.  I was in 7th grade, in middle school.  Kristie was my best friend.  She was pretty much my only friend.  I had known her since 1st grade.
(I feel happy.)

By the time the account happened, I wasn't perfect.  Kristie's house was really the only house I had ever slept over at.  I felt comfortable there.  It was my second home.  If I would go anywhere else, I'd always get homesick. 
(I feel slightly embarrassed but realize it's a normal feeling for that age.)

I can remember sneaking out for the first time at Kristie's house.  We stole a cigarette from her mom and a beer from her mom's boyfriend.  We snuck out Kristie's bedroom window in the middle of the night, walked down the street, shared the cigarette and beer, and snuck right back in.  We felt rebellious.
(I feel ashamed.  I wouldn't want my kids to do that in 7th grade.  However, it makes me smile when I think about how we thought we were so cool by sharing that one cigarette and beer.)

Kristie was my best friend.  My safe place.  I, at 30, still talk to her even though we live half a country apart.  (I feel happy.  We have grown to be as opposite as we could possibly be, but we still remain in eachother's life.  Her mom, who lives in Missouri, even came to my sister's baby shower this past March.  Those childhood memories make me smile and laugh.)

Kristie was the leader, and I was the follower.
(I feel embarrassed knowing I was once a follower, but I am thankful that it made me realize how to lead followers.)

We moved from St. Charles, Missouri to Belleville, Illinois in January 1997.  I started 7th grade in a whole new school and a whole new state.  I knew nobody.  I got to start over.  I got to be whoever I wanted to be. 
(I felt happy when we moved, but now I feel angry.  Why did we move?  For my dad to make more money?  It's always about money.)

I was 12.  I always told myself that I was 13.  I guess me thinking I was a "teenager" made me feel older. 
(I feel sad that I purposely lied to myself for 17 years about my age during the accounts.)

One of my first friends was Jamie Stephens.  Jamie was beautiful.  She was tall, super smart, super friendly, blonde hair, beautiful white teeth, and big boobs.  And she was on the Pom squad.  She was a person anyone would want as a friend.  Everyone.  She wanted to be my friend.  She was/looked completely opposite of me.  I wanted to be her with her huge smile of perfect, white teeth.  When we discovered we only lived about 10 houses down from eachother, on the same street, it was like destiny.  In Belleville all of the schools were HUGE.  My highschool had thousands of students.  It was very rare that you find someone you can get along with that lives within walking distance when you're only 12. 
(I feel sad because I should've had more confidence in myself to feel like I could have had more than just one, good friend.)

But we didn't hang out much on evenings or weekends.  Probably because we were too young.  She got me to try out for the Pom squad, and I made it the first tryout.  I loved every minute of it.  It eventually was the reason I kept up cheerleading throughout highschool and college. 
(I feel happy.  I loved Pom and Cheerleading.)

I remember I had my first "French" kiss (it was a huge deal at this age, everyone was talking and asking about it) in February 1997, when I was 12.  It was at the Teen Center (a dance hangout, alcohol, smoke, and drug free) with a super tall basketball player with HUGE braces.  I don't remember how we even started "going out" or how we broke up.  We probably just quit talking.  I don't ever remember talking to him on the phone or hanging out other than at the Teen Center (remember, no cell phones or text messages back then). 
(I feel embarrassed when I think of that horrible kiss and how desperate of a move it was.)

My first kiss was significant because it starts your sexual curiosity.  You begin to think about what's going to happen next.  Nothing ever happened with the basketball player besides the horrid kiss. 

I remember being one of the last kids in my grade to get their "first kiss".  So, I think it was more of a desperate act for both of us, who had never kissed before. 
(I feel amused at the fact that it was based on desperation instead of feelings.)

Through Jamie I also met other kids in our "neighborhood" (around the next 3 blocks).  Most of them happened to be boys: Neil, Brandon, Jordan, and Kristin.
(I feel happy.  I loved and love those guys and girl still.  Brandon died young (25) from a side effect of medication that caused his heart to stop.  I still keep up with the other 3 on Facebook, especially Neil.  Neil and I usually just text, still to this day.)

Jamie got me into the group.  We were a group, but back then I was closest to Jamie.
(The "group" makes me feel happy.  We would often play basketball or hang out at my house.  I remember that Jordan and I both didn't have "Winter Ball" dates in middle school, so being close friends, we took eachother.  Friends is all.)

That all changed. 

It was May.  I was 12.  I would be 13 in June.  We still had our "group".  Jamie asked me to spend the night.  I had only spent the night at Kristie's before.  I said yes.  She had this super cool upstairs bedroom.  The entire upstairs was her room.  I guess it was a redone attic.  The only people that lived at her house was Jamie, her mom, and her brother, Kyle Stephens.
(I feel angry knowing what I am about to write.)

I didn't know anything about her dad. 

Jamie was a new house to sleep at, but she didn't sneak out or smoke or drink beer.  She was a perfect angel.  I wanted to be her.
(I am mortified.  My aspirations at the age of 12 were not realistic.)

It was so hot in her room that we had to sleep downstairs, in her living room.  I was scared and nervous anyway, so I liked the idea.  Her mom's room was right behind the living room.  Only a wall between her and us.  I felt safer than upstairs even though the front door was only 15 feet away.  I was worried about the thought of a stranger breaking in.
(I feel ashamed.  I thought it was safer in the living room.  I worried about strangers breaking in the house and her mom being close by to save us.  I was naïve to think that dangers could come from elsewhere, but I was also 12.)

She had a big TV on the floor of her living room.  We watched movies.  I fell asleep on the floor in front of the TV.  Jamie fell asleep on the couch behind me. 

I wake up.   I couldn't figure out why I woke up,  I think he must have touched me and then he moved away.  I don't remember seeing him that time.  I fell back asleep, but not a deep one because I soon woke back up.  I woke up to her brother kneeling on the blanket which was still covering me. 

He was a senior in highschool.  A popular, good looking one.  He was a baseball star.  I had never talked to him before but had seen him around.

What did he want with me?
(I feel disgusted.)

He started touching me all over.  I was so confused.  I didn't have any "experience" other than my first kiss.

I didn't know what to do.  He was so much bigger than me.  He overpowered me.  I remember pushing his hands away.  I never yelled.
(I feel angry.)

Jamie was 10 feet from me on the couch.  Their mom was in the next room.  Me pushing him away didn't work.  I closed my eyes.  I didn't want to look.  I was scared.
(I feel scared.)

He touched me everywhere.  Under the blanket, under my PJ shirt, under my shorts, under my underwear.
(I feel disgusted.)

He touched whatever he wanted.  I whispered NO and STOP with my eyes closed.  Maybe he thought I was sleeping.
(I feel embarrassed about assuming he thought I was sleeping.  He knew I woke up.)

Maybe I wanted him to think I was sleeping so I could pretend it wasn't happening.  I don't know how long he did this.  Not long.  Maybe 10 minutes.  My eyes were closed the entire time.  I don't know why I kept my eyes closed.

Just writing this makes my legs tighten.  He finally left.  Just left.  Not a word.  I was confused.  I didn't know what to think or do.  I was scared and lied awake the rest of the night.  I waited there.  I don't even remember where the bathroom was in her house.  I didn't even get up to go to the bathroom.  I waited there until Jamie woke up in the morning.  I felt safer but was scared to see him.  I left her house as soon as I could that morning.  I never said what happened to anyone.  I never saw Kyle.
(I feel angry.)

I started avoided Jamie and started talking more to Neil, but he was a boy.  He lived four houses down, but I trusted him.  We never thought of eachother as more than just friends, still to this day.  And, still, in 2014, I keep in contact with Neil.  He's a friend I will always have.
(I feel safe and happy.)

I still hung around Jamie at school.  She was one of my only friends, and she was perfect. It was just her brother.  It wasn't her fault.  She didn't know, and I wouldn't tell her.  She was one of the only people I knew.  I think I was one of her closest friends too.  A couple weeks later she asked me to spend the night again.

No.

I told myself no.  Then I thought, maybe I can just stay away from Kyle and still have my friend.  I remember, somehow, without her getting suspicious, asking if we could sleep upstairs even though it was hot.  I like listening to fans.  It helps me fall asleep.  I don't know if this came about before or after the account.  Fans calm me.

She said yes.

I also knew it was prom weekend.  I was 12, but I knew.  Kyle was very popular.  He'd be at prom.  He probably wasn't coming home after, right?  I was in middle (6. 7. 8th grade), and he was in high school (9, 10, 11, 12th grade).  Somehow I started the conversation.  He was going.  He was going out with his buddies after.  He wasn't coming home at all that night.

Upstairs and no Kyle?  I said yes.

Why?  I don't know.
(I feel angry and embarrassed.  Many people will think, why twice?  Why would you let this happen twice?)

We got ready for bed.  Her mom said we had to sleep downstairs.

Why is this such a big deal?
(After thought from therapy: Was he mom worried about Kyle because of something he'd already done?  Is that why we had to sleep by their mom?)

I couldn't speak up.  I wouldn't give a reason.  He wasn't going to be home anyway.
(I feel angry.)

This time I slept on the couch.  It had a side to protect me, even though he wasn't going to be home.  It took me forever to fall asleep.

Why didn't I just go home?  I was just down the road.  Was it too late to go home?  Would I look like a homesick baby?  I was 12.

I fell asleep on the couch.  I woke up.  This time his hands didn't stop when I woke up.  They were stronger.  He did everything again, but with more confidence.
(I feel enraged.)

I remember crying out, but not loud.  Why not?  Jamie was on the next couch.  He told me to shush.
(I am enraged.)

My eyes stayed closed.  When he was done, he left.

Somehow, maybe I was numb by now, I fell asleep.
(I feel embarrassed.)

I awoke to his mom yelling, "What are you doing?" I opened my eyes.  Kyle was hovered over the side of the couch, not touching me, not talking.  He just glared at me with his eyes.  He moved away from the couch.  He never said anything.
(I feel angry.  Did his mom know anything?)

Their mom had pancakes ready.  I sat down, as if nothing was wrong.  Kyle sat across from me, next to his mom.  He looked at me and purposely put his fingers to his nose and smelled them.  Nobody noticed but me.
(I feel disgusted and mortified.)

He found out I was going to be there and came home after prom.  He didn't say this.  I just know.  Did he tell his friends?
(I feel angry.)

I left.  I told Neil.  I begged him not to tell.  He promised me that we won't ever go around them, including Jamie, or their house, again.

We didn't.  Jamie was out of my life, even during highschool.
(I feel sad.)

After the accounts I became a leader.  I am no longer a follower.  I like/need being in control.  I am proud to be a leader and try to be a good one.  My boys will be great leaders too.
(I feel proud.)

I started my period when I was 13.  I was later than almost, and possibly, everyone in my grade.  I was statutorily raped before I even started my period.
(I feel angry and disgusted.)

Around 2006, Jamie sent me a message on Facebook asking me to be her friend.  I had pushed her from my memory.  She/He was back.  I immediately, without even thinking twice, said no.
(I feel sad.) (I cannot face her.  I am scared to see pictures or for her brother to find out about me and where I live.)

In 2008, I told my husband.  The second person I ever told. I said, "I was molested by a friend's brother."  He asked, "Were you raped?"  I answered, "No."

That was it.  That was the entire conversation.
(I am angry.  Why didn't he ask more?  Was it no big deal to him?)

This past year I decided to talk.

I opened up.

When I was 12, Kyle Stephens, a legal adult at the time, statutorily raped me twice.
(I am ANGRY.)

#16 Session 4 ABC Worksheets

 I also have a few ABC worksheets my therapist asked me to complete.

1) He thought I was sleeping.

2) What did he want with me?

3) I couldn't speak up.

4) Why didn't I yell louder?

He thought I was sleeping.
A. Activating Event:
He statutorily raped me after waking me up from sleeping.
B. Belief:
He thinks I'm sleeping.
C.  Consequence:
I feel angry.
1. Are my thoughts in B realistic? Yes or No.
No.
2. What can you tell yourself on such occasions in the future (on belief)?
There's no way in hell an adult would think the victim was asleep during the account.


What did he want with me?
A. Activating Event:
I was overpowered and statutorily raped.
B. Belief:
Because I am/was smaller than most women/girls, I am easily overpowered.
C.  Consequence:
I feel scared.
1. Are my thoughts in B realistic? Yes or No.
Yes.
2. What can you tell yourself on such occasions in the future (on belief)?
Just because someone can overpower me doesn't mean they're going to rape me.


I couldn't speak up.
A. Activating Event:
I didn't yell loud enough when I was statutorily raped.
B. Belief:
I would lose my friend.
C.  Consequence:
I am scared.
1. Are my thoughts in B realistic? Yes or No.
Yes.
2. What can you tell yourself on such occasions in the future (on belief)?
Sometimes things are more important than friendships.


Why didn't I yell louder?
SAME AS ABOVE ANSWERS.

#17 Session 5 Assignment

Monday, April 7, 2014

Please choose one stuck point every day and answer the Challenging Questions with regard to each stuck point.

Below is an example of a Challenging Beliefs Worksheet.

Belief: Other adults touching me in uncomfortable.

1) What is the evidence for this idea?
My anxiety level heightens dramatically if there's a chance someone could touch me.

2) What is the evidence against this idea?
Not ALL adults cause high anxiety.  Mostly it occurs with "goodbyes" because hugs are usually expected.

3) Is your belief a habit or based on facts?
Habit.

4) Are your interpretations of the situation too far removed from reality to be accurate?
Yes, they won't hurt me.

5) Are you thinking in all-or-none terms?
Yes.

6) Are you using words or phrases that are extreme or exaggerated (i.e., always, forever, never, need, should, must, can't, and every time)?
Yes, everytime.

7) Are you taking the situation out of context and only focusing on one aspect of the event?
Yes, I think and worry about them touching me instead of feeling or saying goodbye.

8) Is the source of the information reliable?
N/A

9) Are you confusing a low probability with a high probability?
N/A

10) Are your judgments based on feelings rather than facts?
Yes.

11) Are you focused on irrelevant factors?
N/A
_______________________________________________________________

Belief: Looking attractive makes men (especially my husband) look at me in a sexual way.

1) What is the evidence for this idea?
I get "hit on" often when I go out with the girls.  This is usually when I "dress-up".

2) What is the evidence against this idea?
I dress nice for weddings but don't get hit on.  I get stares but not hit on.  This is probably because my husband is with me.

3) Is your belief a habit or based on facts?
Facts

4) Are your interpretations of the situation too far removed from reality to be accurate?
No

5) Are you thinking in all-or-none terms?
Yes

6) Are you using words or phrases that are extreme or exaggerated (i.e., always, forever, never, need, should, must, can't, and every time)?
Yes, every time.  I do not consider my career attire "attractive".

7) Are you taking the situation out of context and only focusing on one aspect of the event?
No.  The thought of not wanting men to look at me or to get close to me, maybe.

8) Is the source of the information reliable?
N/A

9) Are you confusing a low probability with a high probability?
No.  High probability.  I don't consider myself unattractive even when not "dressed-up".

10) Are your judgments based on feelings rather than facts?
No.

11) Are you focused on irrelevant factors?
Yes.  Strangers are irrelevant.
__________________________________________________________________

Belief: People near me are dangerous.

1) What is the evidence for this idea?
I was "raped" by a stranger.  Every day people are harmed by strangers or even people they don't know.

2) What is the evidence against this idea?
Not everyone is dangerous.  Most people aren't.

3) Is your belief a habit or based on facts?
Belief and facts.  Odds are nothing dangerous will happen, but there is a possibility.

4) Are your interpretations of the situation too far removed from reality to be accurate?
Yes, a normal person doesn't think this way.

5) Are you thinking in all-or-none terms?
No, I know not all are dangerous.  (Then my therapist made me cross that out and write...)
Maybe.

6) Are you using words or phrases that are extreme or exaggerated (i.e., always, forever, never, need, should, must, can't, and every time)?
No.  (Then my therapist made me cross that out and write...)
Yes, everyone.

7) Are you taking the situation out of context and only focusing on one aspect of the event?
No

8) Is the source of the information reliable?
Possibly, but people are harmed every day.

9) Are you confusing a low probability with a high probability?
YES, but I am prepared just in case.

10) Are your judgments based on feelings rather than facts?
No.  (Then my therapist made me cross that out and write...)
Yes, discomfort.

11) Are you focused on irrelevant factors?
No.
________________________________________________________________

Belief: Blanket and socks are suffocating.

1) What is the evidence for this idea?
My anxiety level and fear heighten when blankets cover my feet and often times when I wear socks.

2) What is the evidence against this idea?
Blankets and socks will not suffocate me or harm me.

3) Is your belief a habit or based on facts?
Habit

4) Are your interpretations of the situation too far removed from reality to be accurate?
Yes

5) Are you thinking in all-or-none terms?
Yes, except in rare circumstances during winter when I wear socks, but NEVER, EVER wear socks to bed.

6) Are you using words or phrases that are extreme or exaggerated (i.e., always, forever, never, need, should, must, can't, and every time)?
Yes, always except when I wear socks with my shoes during winter.

7) Are you taking the situation out of context and only focusing on one aspect of the event?
Yes.  This could be due to claustrophobia (which runs in my family).

8) Is the source of the information reliable?
Yes

9) Are you confusing a low probability with a high probability?
Yes

10) Are your judgments based on feelings rather than facts?
Yes

11) Are you focused on irrelevant factors?
Yes, I guess?
______________________________________________________________

Belief: Picking at myself is relaxing.

1) What is the evidence for this idea?
Only how I feel while I do it.

2) What is the evidence against this idea?
Everything.  How I feel about the scabs and pain.  How it makes me look.  How I'm harming myself.

3) Is your belief a habit or based on facts?
Habit

4) Are your interpretations of the situation too far removed from reality to be accurate?
Yes

5) Are you thinking in all-or-none terms?
Yes

6) Are you using words or phrases that are extreme or exaggerated (i.e., always, forever, never, need, should, must, can't, and every time)?
Yes

7) Are you taking the situation out of context and only focusing on one aspect of the event?
N/A

8) Is the source of the information reliable?
N/A

9) Are you confusing a low probability with a high probability?
N/A

10) Are your judgments based on feelings rather than facts?
Feelings

11) Are you focused on irrelevant factors?
Yes
____________________________________________________________

Belief: My dad moved back from Illinois.  Could I see him again?

1) What is the evidence for this idea?
My dad lives in the same area as him.  If I spend a week at my dad's, I will be traveling to many places in that area.

2) What is the evidence against this idea?
Odds are probably higher that I won't see him.

3) Is your belief a habit or based on facts?
Facts

4) Are your interpretations of the situation too far removed from reality to be accurate?
No

5) Are you thinking in all-or-none terms?
No

6) Are you using words or phrases that are extreme or exaggerated (i.e., always, forever, never, need, should, must, can't, and every time)?
No

7) Are you taking the situation out of context and only focusing on one aspect of the event?
No

8) Is the source of the information reliable?
Yes

9) Are you confusing a low probability with a high probability?
Yes

10) Are your judgments based on feelings rather than facts?
Yes, on how I would feel or react if I saw him.  How my husband would react.

11) Are you focused on irrelevant factors?
No

#18 Before Session 6, After Session 5

New thoughts after Session 5 counseling:

He is a lawyer.  My dream foresaw this.

He has a wife and 2 kids.

If he isn't in jail, has a clean record, a lawyer, and has a normal family, maybe I was the only one he ever did this to.  How do I feel about that?  Happy.  That means he more than likely only did this to me.

Could he have been drinking after prom?

Did he do this to Jamie when she was younger?  Did his mom see any of those behaviors and was extra cautious when I spent the night?

The statute of limitations of Illinois still gives me the power to prosecute today if I wanted.

The following website states:

http://www.icasa.org/docs/statute%20of%20limitations.pdf

A. Cases Involving Minor Victims (720 ILCS 5/3-6(j))

In 1986, the Illinois legislature first recognized the necessity of providing for an extension
to the normal three-year felony statute of limitations in cases of child victims. In 1986, the
statute of limitations was extended for child victims of sex crimes to one year after
attaining the age of majority (18). P.A. 84-506 (eff. Jan. 1, 1986). In other words, a case
could be charged any time before the victim’s 19th birthday even if, for example, the sexual
assault had occurred when the child was six years old. This change first extended only
cases in which the victim and offender were family members but was soon modified to
include all child victims regardless of whether there was a family relationship. P.A. 84-
1280 (eff. Aug. 15, 1986). P.A. 84-1280 also clarified that when the victim is a minor, the
statute of limitations will not expire sooner than three years after the commission of the
offense.

In 2000, this one-year limitations period was changed to 10 years, extending cases of
criminal sexual assault, aggravated criminal sexual assault, predatory criminal sexual
assault of a child, or aggravated criminal sexual abuse until the victim turns 28. P.A. 91-
475 (eff. Jan. 1, 2000). There was an additional reporting requirement if the victim was not
a family member, which was removed in 2002. P.A. 92-801 (eff. Aug. 16, 2002). In 2003,
the law was changed again to 20 years, now allowing prosecution until the victim reaches
the age of 38. P.A. 93-356 (eff. July 24, 2003). Since the 10-year and 20-year extensions 
occurred only three years apart, any case that survived the change to the age of 28 also 
qualifies for the age 38 extended statute. The challenge is in determining whether the case
was still viable when the 2000 change occurred.

The Formula (Minor Victims Only)

If the sexual crime occurred after July 1, 1984, and the victim was a minor (under 18) when
the crime occurred and is currently under the age of 38:

1. Was the victim under the age of 19 as of January 1, 2000 (born after January 1,
1981)?

• If “no,” the case is not viable.

• If “yes,” continue. 

2. Was the victim a family member to the perpetrator (“family member” being defined
by 720 ILCS 5/12-12(c))?

• If “yes,” the case is viable.

• If “no,” continue. 

3. Was the victim born after January 1, 1981, and before August 15, 1983?1


• If “no,” the case is viable.

• If “yes,” continue.

4. Did the victim report the incident to law enforcement by age 21?

• If “no,” the case is not viable.

• If “yes,” the case is viable. 

#19 Session 6

Consider the stuck points you have identified thus far and find examples for each problematic thinking pattern listed in the worksheet on your day to day life (or over the course of the next week).  Look for specific ways in which your recreations to the traumatic event may have been affected by these habitual patterns.  Continue reading your accounts if you still have strong emotions about them.  

Did they predate the event?

Identify patterns that came AFTER the event. 

The sheet below shows the different patterns.

1) Jumping to conclusions when the evidence is lacking or even contradictory.

Stuck point 3: People are dangerous.  ----> I know not all people are dangerous.

Example from this week, on Easter I avoided my husband's family.  They (some of them) are dangerous gossip wise.  And I hate hearing them bitch and brag.  

Stuck point 36: Will I see him again? ------> Odds are higher now than originally thought. 

Example from this week, I am now more worried about my husband's reaction if we were to see him again.  My dad moved back to Illinois in March.  If I saw him, should I tell David?  What would David do? Odd are higher now that my dad moved back to Illinois, but the chance of seeing him are very rare.

Stuck point 8: Picking at myself is relaxing. 

Example from this week, I picked at myself on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday but not bad.  There was a pimple on my face that was bothering me.  Usually I'd pick at my face, chest, and thighs.  I've gotten a lot better about it. I think it's relaxing when it's not.  I use it to fill up blank space instead of learning how to truly relax without thinking about negative thoughts.

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2) Exaggerating or minimizing a situation (blowing things way out of proportion or shrinking their importance inappropriately).

Stuck point 3: People are dangerous.  ----> I know not all people are dangerous.

Example from this week, on Easter I avoided my husband's family.  They (some of them) are dangerous gossip wise.  And I hate hearing them bitch and brag.  This is what seems to happen EVERY TIME my cousins are around eachother.

Stuck point 4 and 5: Having Sex with my husband. -----> We haven't had sex in two weeks.  One of the longest runs ever.

Example from this week, I actually wanted to have sex after he helped clean the house.  I need to feel a family/love/respect connection before I feel like being that emotionally connected to him.

Stuck point 15: I avoid any place where there's people I don't know. ----> Opportunities to challenge this happen rarely.

Example from this week, on Easter I didn't feel comfortable around family.  I was jealous that it was his family and not mine.

Stuck point 36: Will I see him again? ------> Odds are higher now than originally thought. 

Example from this week, I am now more worried about my husband's reaction if we were to see him again.  My dad moved back to Illinois in March.  If I saw him, should I tell David?  What would David do?

Stuck point 20: I never said what happened for 20 years, except to Neil.  ----> I still consider Neil one of my closest friends because of this kept secret, even though we only talk a few times a year and see each other once every few years.  

Example from this week, I am now confronting and writing and talking about the accounts daily.  I thought this was something I could handle myself.  I thought I had control of the situation and left it behind me.

Stuck point 22: It wasn't Jamie's fault, and I wouldn't tell her.  ------> I would lose a friend and become hated. 

Example from this week, I still do not have her as a friend or in my life whatsoever.  I thought losing her friendship would be ok.  It wouldn't affect me whatsoever.  But then I had no one, no true friends, except Neil, until college.  

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3)Disregarding important aspects of a situation.

Stuck point 3: People are dangerous.  ----> I know not all people are dangerous.

Example from this week, on Easter I avoided my husband's family.  They (some of them) are dangerous gossip wise.  And I hate hearing them bitch and brag.

Stuck point 4 and 5: Having Sex with my husband. -----> We haven't had sex in two weeks.  One of the longest runs ever.

Example from this week, I actually wanted to have sex after he helped clean the house.  I need to feel a family/love/respect connection before I feel like being that emotionally connected to him.  I now know I was thinking of only my needs and not his.

Stuck point 15: I avoid any place where there's people I don't know. ----> Opportunities to challenge this happen rarely.

Example from this week, on Easter I didn't feel comfortable around family.  I was jealous that it was his family and not mine.  I now realize that it's important to build my family relationships in Oklahoma.   I am too far away from my blood family to rely on them whenever needed.

Stuck point 36: Will I see him again? ------> Odds are higher now than originally thought. 

Example from this week, I am now more worried about my husband's reaction if we were to see him again.  My dad moved back to Illinois in March.  If I saw him, should I tell David?  What would David do? Odd are higher now that my dad moved back to Illinois, but the chance of seeing him are very rare.

Stuck point 8: Picking at myself is relaxing. 

Example from this week, I picked at myself on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday but not bad.  There was a pimple on my face that was bothering me.  Usually I'd pick at my face, chest, and thighs.  I've gotten a lot better about it.  I'm not relaxing that picking at myself is what I do when I have down time.  I do this to prevent me from thinking negative thoughts and relaxing appropriately.

Stuck point 20: I never said what happened for 20 years, except to Neil.  ----> I still consider Neil one of my closest friends because of this kept secret, even though we only talk a few times a year and see each other once every few years.  

Example from this week, I am now confronting and writing and talking about the accounts daily.

Stuck point 22: It wasn't Jamie's fault, and I wouldn't tell her.  ------> I would lose a friend and become hated. 

Example from this week, I still do not have her as a friend or in my life whatsoever.  I needed friendships at that age.  

Stuck point 24: Why me?-----> I was a small person who could easily be overpowered.

Example from this week, I am still a small person who could be easily overpowered, but I take extra precaution to prevent it from happening again.  I have and know how to shoot a gun.  I am extra cautious when I am alone, or even with my kids, to make sure we are safe.  

Stuck point 26: Why didn't I yell louder? ----> I was 12.  I was confused.  I didn't know what to think about what was going on.  

Example from this week, I am still afraid to ask for help.  I think I can do and handle every situation on my own.  I do not ask for help unless it is absolutely necessary.

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4) Oversimplifying things as right/wrong or good/bad.

Stuck point 3: People are dangerous.  ----> I know not all people are dangerous.

Example from this week, on Easter I avoided my husband's family.  They (some of them) are dangerous gossip wise.  And I hate hearing them bitch and brag.

Stuck point 4 and 5: Having Sex with my husband. -----> We haven't had sex in two weeks.  One of the longest runs ever.

Example from this week, I actually wanted to have sex after he helped clean the house.  I need to feel a family/love/respect connection before I feel like being that emotionally connected to him.  I often feel like I'm having sex with him for the wrong reasons.

Stuck point 26: Why didn't I yell louder? ----> I was 12.  I was confused.  I didn't know what to think about what was going on.  

Example from this week, I am still afraid to ask for help.  I think I can do and handle every situation on my own.  I do not ask for help unless it is absolutely necessary.  I feel like asking for help is bad.  It makes me look bad.  

Stuck point 14: I don't ever listen to music anymore because it causes too much emotion.

Example from this week, I listened to a few upbeat songs with my kids.  I've been uploading songs on my Iphone and trying to listen to Pandora more than ever.

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5) Over-generalizing from a single incident (a negative event is seen as a never-ending pattern).

Stuck point 4 and 5: Having Sex with my husband. -----> We haven't had sex in two weeks.  One of the longest runs ever.

Example from this week, I actually wanted to have sex after he helped clean the house.  I need to feel a family/love/respect connection before I feel like being that emotionally connected to him.  I always feel like having sex is a JOB I'm supposed to do.  Now I've started saying NO when I don't feel that emotional connection.

Stuck point 26: Why didn't I yell louder? ----> I was 12.  I was confused.  I didn't know what to think about what was going on.  

Example from this week, I am still afraid to ask for help.  I think I can do and handle every situation on my own.  I do not ask for help unless it is absolutely necessary.

Stuck point 2: Other adults touching me is uncomfortable. ----> I've been trying to hug.

Example from this week, I hugged a male (openly gay) twice.  

Stuck point 7: Blankets and socks are suffocating.  I can never put my face under water, even in the shower.  I have a huge fear of being "dunked" in a pool. ---->  I don't think this will ever go away. 

Example from this week, when I shower I have to cup the shower water in my hands before rinsing my face.  I never put my face under the running water of the shower.

Stuck point 11: I don't trust anyone completely. ----> I have to do everything myself because I trust myself.

Examples from this week, I do everything myself.  I never ask for help.  I don't think this will ever go away.  

Stuck point 13: Avoidance of thoughts. ----> I've had to think a lot about the accounts due to therapy.

Examples from this past week, I've avoided details on the phone with Cathy and my dad.  I've avoided phone calls.  I avoid talking about work with David, if it is negative.  I'm not in the mood lately to elaborate with anyone.

Stuck point 31: Did he do this to anyone else? ----> I had no answer for myself until a few weeks ago during therapy.

Examples from this past week, now that I know who he presently is, I don't think he did.  I think he would be in jail if he continued this behavior.  I think I am the only one.  

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6) Mind reading (you assume people are thinking negatively of you when there is no definite evidence for this).

Stuck point 3: People are dangerous.  ----> I know not all people are dangerous.

Example from this week, on Easter I avoided my husband's family.  They (some of them) are dangerous gossip wise.  And I hate hearing them bitch and brag.  I also worry about what they are thinking about me when I am around them.  Will they gossip about me?  Will I somehow get twisted into an over-exaggerated argument with his cousins like in the past?

Stuck point 36: Will I see him again? ------> Odds are higher now than originally thought. 

Example from this week, I am now more worried about my husband's reaction if we were to see him again.  My dad moved back to Illinois in March.  If I saw him, should I tell David?  What would David do? Odd are higher now that my dad moved back to Illinois, but the chance of seeing him are very rare.  I am mind-reading David.

Stuck point 20: I never said what happened for 20 years, except to Neil.  ----> I still consider Neil one of my closest friends because of this kept secret, even though we only talk a few times a year and see each other once every few years.  

Example from this week, I am now confronting and writing and talking about the accounts daily.  I was afraid to tell people because of what they would think.  I knew they would think in their head how stupid I was for allowing it to happen twice AND never telling anyone except Neil.

Stuck point 22: It wasn't Jamie's fault, and I wouldn't tell her.  ------> I would lose a friend and become hated. 

Example from this week, I still do not have her as a friend or in my life whatsoever.  I assumed she wouldn't be my friend if I told her.  

Stuck point 26: Why didn't I yell louder? ----> I was 12.  I was confused.  I didn't know what to think about what was going on.  

Example from this week, I am still afraid to ask for help.  I think I can do and handle every situation on my own.  I do not ask for help unless it is absolutely necessary.  I do not want people to think I am helpless.

Stuck point 1: Looking attractive makes men look at me in a sexual way. ----> I never "dress up".  I don't have time in the mornings.  

Examples from this week, I wore a dress to work on Wednesday to try to look nicer than my "average".  I got hit on.  I was ok about it.  It actually made me want to tell David about it to see that jealousy look in his eyes again, like in college.  

Stuck point 19: He thought I was sleeping. ----> I know now that he had to know I was awake.  No legal adult would assume I was sleeping.  

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7) Emotional reasoning (you have a feeling and assume there must be a reason).

Stuck point 3: People are dangerous.  ----> I know not all people are dangerous.

Example from this week, on Easter I avoided my husband's family.  They (some of them) are dangerous gossip wise.  And I hate hearing them bitch and brag.  I have not had good relationships in the past with some of my husband's cousins.  Because they previously brought so much drama to my life, I have decided to cut them out of my life.  But I now (May 2014) realize that you cannot cut family from your life.  You must learn to deal with them as family, but you don't have to consider them for friendships.

Stuck point 15: I avoid any place where there's people I don't know. ----> Opportunities to challenge this happen rarely.

Example from this week, on Easter I didn't feel comfortable around family.  I was jealous that it was his family and not mine.  I now realize that it's important to build my family relationships in Oklahoma.   I am too far away from my blood family to rely on them whenever needed.

Stuck point 8: Picking at myself is relaxing. 

Example from this week, I picked at myself on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday but not bad.  There was a pimple on my face that was bothering me.  Usually I'd pick at my face, chest, and thighs.  I've gotten a lot better about it. I think it's relaxing when it's not.  I use it to fill up blank space instead of learning how to truly relax without thinking about negative thoughts.

Stuck point 20: I never said what happened for 20 years, except to Neil.  ----> I still consider Neil one of my closest friends because of this kept secret, even though we only talk a few times a year and see each other once every few years.  

Example from this week, I am now confronting and writing and talking about the accounts daily.  I thought there was a reason why I only told Neil.  I thought that if I didn't tell anyone, I wouldn't have to relive the accounts and face them.

Stuck point 16: My stomach hurts constantly. 

Example from this week, I haven't been able to poop this week.  I had to do an enema to try to poop on Tuesday and Thursday, but they didn't work.  I can't poop, and it makes me miserable.  I've been having to use enemas for almost a year now to poop.  

Stuck point 17 and 18: I am a leader, and I try to be a good leader.

Example from this week, I am a leader at home and in my classroom.  I am a leader, but I know to be a follower when necessary, like my boss at work.  I try to instill being a good leader or a follow of a good leader in my boys.

Stuck point 37: I can't remember what he looks like.

Stuck point 38: I don't ever want to see him again.  

#20 Session 7 New Challenging Beliefs Worksheets

Session 7: Patterns of Problematic Thinking

Practice Assignment:

Use the Challenging Beliefs Worksheets to analyze and confront at least one of your stuck points each day. 

Please read over the module on safety and think about how your prior beliefs were affected by the [event]. 

If you have issues with self- or other-safety, complete at least one worksheet to confront those beliefs. 

Use the remaining sheets for other stuck points or for distressing events that have occurred recently.


This were some of the stuck points I patterned out in Session 6.

Notes I took on the back of the above one.