Consider the stuck points you have identified thus far and find examples for each problematic thinking pattern listed in the worksheet on your day to day life (or over the course of the next week). Look for specific ways in which your recreations to the traumatic event may have been affected by these habitual patterns. Continue reading your accounts if you still have strong emotions about them.
Did they predate the event?
Identify patterns that came AFTER the event.
The sheet below shows the different patterns.
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1) Jumping to conclusions when the evidence is lacking or even contradictory.
Stuck point 3: People are dangerous. ----> I know not all people are dangerous.
Example from this week, on Easter I avoided my husband's family. They (some of them) are dangerous gossip wise. And I hate hearing them bitch and brag.
Example from this week, I am now more worried about my husband's reaction if we were to see him again. My dad moved back to Illinois in March. If I saw him, should I tell David? What would David do? Odd are higher now that my dad moved back to Illinois, but the chance of seeing him are very rare.
Stuck point 8: Picking at myself is relaxing.
Example from this week, I picked at myself on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday but not bad. There was a pimple on my face that was bothering me. Usually I'd pick at my face, chest, and thighs. I've gotten a lot better about it. I think it's relaxing when it's not. I use it to fill up blank space instead of learning how to truly relax without thinking about negative thoughts.
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2) Exaggerating or minimizing a situation (blowing things way out of proportion or shrinking their importance inappropriately).
Stuck point 3: People are dangerous. ----> I know not all people are dangerous.Example from this week, on Easter I avoided my husband's family. They (some of them) are dangerous gossip wise. And I hate hearing them bitch and brag. This is what seems to happen EVERY TIME my cousins are around eachother.
Stuck point 4 and 5: Having Sex with my husband. -----> We haven't had sex in two weeks. One of the longest runs ever.
Example from this week, I actually wanted to have sex after he helped clean the house. I need to feel a family/love/respect connection before I feel like being that emotionally connected to him.
Stuck point 15: I avoid any place where there's people I don't know. ----> Opportunities to challenge this happen rarely.
Example from this week, on Easter I didn't feel comfortable around family. I was jealous that it was his family and not mine.
Stuck point 36: Will I see him again? ------> Odds are higher now than originally thought.
Example from this week, I am now more worried about my husband's reaction if we were to see him again. My dad moved back to Illinois in March. If I saw him, should I tell David? What would David do?
Stuck point 20: I never said what happened for 20 years, except to Neil. ----> I still consider Neil one of my closest friends because of this kept secret, even though we only talk a few times a year and see each other once every few years.
Example from this week, I am now confronting and writing and talking about the accounts daily. I thought this was something I could handle myself. I thought I had control of the situation and left it behind me.
Stuck point 22: It wasn't Jamie's fault, and I wouldn't tell her. ------> I would lose a friend and become hated.
Example from this week, I still do not have her as a friend or in my life whatsoever. I thought losing her friendship would be ok. It wouldn't affect me whatsoever. But then I had no one, no true friends, except Neil, until college.
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3)Disregarding important aspects of a situation.
Stuck point 3: People are dangerous. ----> I know not all people are dangerous.Example from this week, on Easter I avoided my husband's family. They (some of them) are dangerous gossip wise. And I hate hearing them bitch and brag.
Stuck point 4 and 5: Having Sex with my husband. -----> We haven't had sex in two weeks. One of the longest runs ever.
Example from this week, I actually wanted to have sex after he helped clean the house. I need to feel a family/love/respect connection before I feel like being that emotionally connected to him. I now know I was thinking of only my needs and not his.
Stuck point 15: I avoid any place where there's people I don't know. ----> Opportunities to challenge this happen rarely.
Example from this week, on Easter I didn't feel comfortable around family. I was jealous that it was his family and not mine. I now realize that it's important to build my family relationships in Oklahoma. I am too far away from my blood family to rely on them whenever needed.
Stuck point 36: Will I see him again? ------> Odds are higher now than originally thought.
Example from this week, I am now more worried about my husband's reaction if we were to see him again. My dad moved back to Illinois in March. If I saw him, should I tell David? What would David do? Odd are higher now that my dad moved back to Illinois, but the chance of seeing him are very rare.
Stuck point 8: Picking at myself is relaxing.
Example from this week, I picked at myself on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday but not bad. There was a pimple on my face that was bothering me. Usually I'd pick at my face, chest, and thighs. I've gotten a lot better about it. I'm not relaxing that picking at myself is what I do when I have down time. I do this to prevent me from thinking negative thoughts and relaxing appropriately.
Stuck point 20: I never said what happened for 20 years, except to Neil. ----> I still consider Neil one of my closest friends because of this kept secret, even though we only talk a few times a year and see each other once every few years.
Example from this week, I am now confronting and writing and talking about the accounts daily.
Stuck point 22: It wasn't Jamie's fault, and I wouldn't tell her. ------> I would lose a friend and become hated.
Example from this week, I still do not have her as a friend or in my life whatsoever. I needed friendships at that age.
Stuck point 24: Why me?-----> I was a small person who could easily be overpowered.
Example from this week, I am still a small person who could be easily overpowered, but I take extra precaution to prevent it from happening again. I have and know how to shoot a gun. I am extra cautious when I am alone, or even with my kids, to make sure we are safe.
Stuck point 26: Why didn't I yell louder? ----> I was 12. I was confused. I didn't know what to think about what was going on.
Example from this week, I am still afraid to ask for help. I think I can do and handle every situation on my own. I do not ask for help unless it is absolutely necessary.
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4) Oversimplifying things as right/wrong or good/bad.
Stuck point 3: People are dangerous. ----> I know not all people are dangerous.Example from this week, on Easter I avoided my husband's family. They (some of them) are dangerous gossip wise. And I hate hearing them bitch and brag.
Stuck point 4 and 5: Having Sex with my husband. -----> We haven't had sex in two weeks. One of the longest runs ever.
Example from this week, I actually wanted to have sex after he helped clean the house. I need to feel a family/love/respect connection before I feel like being that emotionally connected to him. I often feel like I'm having sex with him for the wrong reasons.
Example from this week, I actually wanted to have sex after he helped clean the house. I need to feel a family/love/respect connection before I feel like being that emotionally connected to him. I often feel like I'm having sex with him for the wrong reasons.
Stuck point 26: Why didn't I yell louder? ----> I was 12. I was confused. I didn't know what to think about what was going on.
Example from this week, I am still afraid to ask for help. I think I can do and handle every situation on my own. I do not ask for help unless it is absolutely necessary. I feel like asking for help is bad. It makes me look bad.
Stuck point 14: I don't ever listen to music anymore because it causes too much emotion.
Example from this week, I listened to a few upbeat songs with my kids. I've been uploading songs on my Iphone and trying to listen to Pandora more than ever.
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5) Over-generalizing from a single incident (a negative event is seen as a never-ending pattern).
Stuck point 4 and 5: Having Sex with my husband. -----> We haven't had sex in two weeks. One of the longest runs ever.Example from this week, I actually wanted to have sex after he helped clean the house. I need to feel a family/love/respect connection before I feel like being that emotionally connected to him. I always feel like having sex is a JOB I'm supposed to do. Now I've started saying NO when I don't feel that emotional connection.
Stuck point 26: Why didn't I yell louder? ----> I was 12. I was confused. I didn't know what to think about what was going on.
Example from this week, I am still afraid to ask for help. I think I can do and handle every situation on my own. I do not ask for help unless it is absolutely necessary.
Stuck point 2: Other adults touching me is uncomfortable. ----> I've been trying to hug.
Example from this week, I hugged a male (openly gay) twice.
Stuck point 7: Blankets and socks are suffocating. I can never put my face under water, even in the shower. I have a huge fear of being "dunked" in a pool. ----> I don't think this will ever go away.
Example from this week, when I shower I have to cup the shower water in my hands before rinsing my face. I never put my face under the running water of the shower.
Stuck point 11: I don't trust anyone completely. ----> I have to do everything myself because I trust myself.
Examples from this week, I do everything myself. I never ask for help. I don't think this will ever go away.
Stuck point 13: Avoidance of thoughts. ----> I've had to think a lot about the accounts due to therapy.
Examples from this past week, I've avoided details on the phone with Cathy and my dad. I've avoided phone calls. I avoid talking about work with David, if it is negative. I'm not in the mood lately to elaborate with anyone.
Stuck point 31: Did he do this to anyone else? ----> I had no answer for myself until a few weeks ago during therapy.
Examples from this past week, now that I know who he presently is, I don't think he did. I think he would be in jail if he continued this behavior. I think I am the only one.
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6) Mind reading (you assume people are thinking negatively of you when there is no definite evidence for this).
Stuck point 3: People are dangerous. ----> I know not all people are dangerous.Example from this week, on Easter I avoided my husband's family. They (some of them) are dangerous gossip wise. And I hate hearing them bitch and brag. I also worry about what they are thinking about me when I am around them. Will they gossip about me? Will I somehow get twisted into an over-exaggerated argument with his cousins like in the past?
Stuck point 36: Will I see him again? ------> Odds are higher now than originally thought.
Example from this week, I am now more worried about my husband's reaction if we were to see him again. My dad moved back to Illinois in March. If I saw him, should I tell David? What would David do? Odd are higher now that my dad moved back to Illinois, but the chance of seeing him are very rare. I am mind-reading David.
Stuck point 20: I never said what happened for 20 years, except to Neil. ----> I still consider Neil one of my closest friends because of this kept secret, even though we only talk a few times a year and see each other once every few years.
Example from this week, I am now confronting and writing and talking about the accounts daily. I was afraid to tell people because of what they would think. I knew they would think in their head how stupid I was for allowing it to happen twice AND never telling anyone except Neil.
Stuck point 22: It wasn't Jamie's fault, and I wouldn't tell her. ------> I would lose a friend and become hated.
Example from this week, I still do not have her as a friend or in my life whatsoever. I assumed she wouldn't be my friend if I told her.
Stuck point 26: Why didn't I yell louder? ----> I was 12. I was confused. I didn't know what to think about what was going on.
Example from this week, I am still afraid to ask for help. I think I can do and handle every situation on my own. I do not ask for help unless it is absolutely necessary. I do not want people to think I am helpless.
Stuck point 1: Looking attractive makes men look at me in a sexual way. ----> I never "dress up". I don't have time in the mornings.
Examples from this week, I wore a dress to work on Wednesday to try to look nicer than my "average". I got hit on. I was ok about it. It actually made me want to tell David about it to see that jealousy look in his eyes again, like in college.
Stuck point 19: He thought I was sleeping. ----> I know now that he had to know I was awake. No legal adult would assume I was sleeping.
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7) Emotional reasoning (you have a feeling and assume there must be a reason).
Stuck point 3: People are dangerous. ----> I know not all people are dangerous.Example from this week, on Easter I avoided my husband's family. They (some of them) are dangerous gossip wise. And I hate hearing them bitch and brag. I have not had good relationships in the past with some of my husband's cousins. Because they previously brought so much drama to my life, I have decided to cut them out of my life. But I now (May 2014) realize that you cannot cut family from your life. You must learn to deal with them as family, but you don't have to consider them for friendships.
Stuck point 15: I avoid any place where there's people I don't know. ----> Opportunities to challenge this happen rarely.
Example from this week, on Easter I didn't feel comfortable around family. I was jealous that it was his family and not mine. I now realize that it's important to build my family relationships in Oklahoma. I am too far away from my blood family to rely on them whenever needed.
Stuck point 8: Picking at myself is relaxing.
Example from this week, I picked at myself on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday but not bad. There was a pimple on my face that was bothering me. Usually I'd pick at my face, chest, and thighs. I've gotten a lot better about it. I think it's relaxing when it's not. I use it to fill up blank space instead of learning how to truly relax without thinking about negative thoughts.
Stuck point 20: I never said what happened for 20 years, except to Neil. ----> I still consider Neil one of my closest friends because of this kept secret, even though we only talk a few times a year and see each other once every few years.
Example from this week, I am now confronting and writing and talking about the accounts daily. I thought there was a reason why I only told Neil. I thought that if I didn't tell anyone, I wouldn't have to relive the accounts and face them.
Example from this week, I am now confronting and writing and talking about the accounts daily. I thought there was a reason why I only told Neil. I thought that if I didn't tell anyone, I wouldn't have to relive the accounts and face them.
Stuck point 16: My stomach hurts constantly.
Example from this week, I haven't been able to poop this week. I had to do an enema to try to poop on Tuesday and Thursday, but they didn't work. I can't poop, and it makes me miserable. I've been having to use enemas for almost a year now to poop.
Stuck point 17 and 18: I am a leader, and I try to be a good leader.
Example from this week, I am a leader at home and in my classroom. I am a leader, but I know to be a follower when necessary, like my boss at work. I try to instill being a good leader or a follow of a good leader in my boys.
Stuck point 37: I can't remember what he looks like.
Stuck point 38: I don't ever want to see him again.
