Session 9: Trust Issues
Practice Assignment:
Use the Challenging Beliefs Worksheets to continue to address your stuck points. After reading the Power/Control Module and thinking about it, complete Challenging Beliefs Worksheets on this topic.
My husband came to this session. He is supposed to come with me to the last four.
Practice Assignment:
Use the Challenging Beliefs Worksheets to continue to address your stuck points. After reading the Power/Control Module and thinking about it, complete Challenging Beliefs Worksheets on this topic.
My husband came to this session. He is supposed to come with me to the last four.
The Power/Control Module is below in red.
It comes directly from:
Cognitive Processing Therapy
Veteran/Military Version:
THERAPIST AND PATIENT
MATERIALS MANUAL
Patricia A. Resick, Ph.D. and Candice M. Monson, Ph.D.
National Center for PTSD, Women’s Health Sciences Division
VA Boston Healthcare System and Boston University
&
Kathleen M. Chard, Ph.D.
Cincinnati VA Medical Center and University of Cincinnati
Power/Control Issues Module
challenges. Power is associated with your capacity for self-growth.
Prior Experience
NegativeIf you grew up experiencing inescapable, negative events, you may develop the belief that you cannot control events or solve problems even if they are controllable/solvable. This is called learned helplessness. Later traumatic events may seem to confirm prior beliefs about helplessness.
Positive
If you grew up believing that you had control over events and could solve problems (possibly unrealistically positive beliefs), the traumatic event may disrupt those beliefs.
Symptoms Associated With Negative Self-Power/Control Beliefs
Numbing of feelings
Avoidance of emotions
Chronic passivity
Hopelessness and depression
Self-destructive patterns
Outrage when faced with events that are out of your control or people who do not behave as you would like
Beliefs Related to OTHERS: The belief that you can control future outcomes in interpersonal relationships or that you have some power, even in relation to powerful others.
Prior Experience
NegativeIf you had prior experiences with others that led you to believe that you had no control in your relationships with others, or that you had no power in relation to powerful others, the traumatic event will seem to confirm those beliefs.
Positive
If you had prior positive experiences in your relationships with others and in relation to powerful others, you may have come to believe that you could influence others. The traumatic event may shatter this belief because you were unable to exert enough control, despite your best efforts, to prevent the event.
Symptoms Associated With Negative Others-Power/Control Beliefs
Passivity
Submissiveness
Lack of assertiveness that can generalize to all relationships
Inability to maintain relationships because you do not allow the person to exert any control in the relationships (including becoming enraged if the other person tries to exert even a minimal amount of control)
Symptoms I have:
Numbing of feelings:
I just don't care when others complain about small/unimportant things. I have no interest of adding/thinking about drama/stress.
I just don't care when others complain about small/unimportant things. I have no interest of adding/thinking about drama/stress.
Avoidance of emotions: Same as above. I don't want people to feel sorry for me or hear me bitch, just like I think about them.
Hopelessness: Of control of my home, of my husband and how he acts and thinks, of my marriage improving, of being unashamed of my home, of feeling valued by by husband, of keeping my floors clean.
Depression: When I am overwhelmed. When I have no help/sympathy from my husband. When I realize my husband can't/won't change.
Self-destructive patterns: Not eating and picking at myself
Outrage when people do not act as you'd like (trying to control others): my husband
Over-control: Of my job and over my own biological children
Not realizing I can end unhealthy relationships: Does this include marriage?
What I have control over at home:
Everything: when my husband's at work
My kids: sports, anything related to discipline, anything related to cleanliness, anything related to school and daycare
How much energy I exert on cleaning (REALIZED RECENTLY)
Pets inside the home
Sanitation
Myself and my choices
Organization
What I DON'T have control over at home:
Time
Time
Help
Cleanliness
Keeping the house "in order", unchaotic
A routine when my husband's home
My husband
Hiring someone to fix or clean things
Outside/Yard
Outside Animals
Fixing/Doing things with tools
Things I control but DON'T want to:
Sports: I want help because I feel sports are important, but I am so tired every night. There are practices and games most nights.
Anything related to school: I just want my husband to show more interest in what and how the boys are doing in school
Things I CAN'T control but want to:
Keeping the house in order. I just need help. Help from my husband and help from my kids.
I want a routine when David's at home. Something we can stick to on most evenings, especially during the school year.
My husband: I know I can't control him, but I feel like I have no influence on his behaviors.
Outside: I only want the yard to look presentable
Outside animals: Too many with no enjoyment for me. They only cause me problems.
Hiring people to fix/clean: Only when necessary. Like when David and/or I don't have time.
Help: I want the kids and husband to help with the inside chores.
Clean floors: I want everyone to have chores and to try to keep the floors clean.
This therapy session ended in screaming and crying and fighting by me and my husband. I feel like I don't want him there. I want to finish this therapy on my own. Him being there made it worse. This was the first time in many weeks that I left therapy angry and sad. My marriage felt like it was in crumbles. I thought this therapy was about me, not about my marriage. Marriage counseling is supposed to come after I complete CPT therapy. So many marriage problems and arguments came out during this session. It made me angrier at my husband. I feel as if I beginning to HATE him. I am frightened by this. I feel like this therapy should be about ME and not about HIM. I felt as if he only cared about himself.
He kept yelling over and over about how I do not SUPPORT him with his career.
I don't understand. My therapist doesn't understand. What does he want me to do to show SUPPORT? I work full time too!
Homework was given to both of us:
My husband had to write out his idea of a "school night routine" and exactly what SUPPORT of his career looks like (because we couldn't seem to understand what he was talking about).
My homework was to do ABC worksheets on the areas of power/control that I listed above that I wanted to change and to write out my idea of a "school night time routine". Pretty much, exactly the same as I do on the nights he's at the firestation.
Cleanliness
Keeping the house "in order", unchaotic
A routine when my husband's home
My husband
Hiring someone to fix or clean things
Outside/Yard
Outside Animals
Fixing/Doing things with tools
Things I control but DON'T want to:
Sports: I want help because I feel sports are important, but I am so tired every night. There are practices and games most nights.
Anything related to school: I just want my husband to show more interest in what and how the boys are doing in school
Things I CAN'T control but want to:
Keeping the house in order. I just need help. Help from my husband and help from my kids.
I want a routine when David's at home. Something we can stick to on most evenings, especially during the school year.
My husband: I know I can't control him, but I feel like I have no influence on his behaviors.
Outside: I only want the yard to look presentable
Outside animals: Too many with no enjoyment for me. They only cause me problems.
Hiring people to fix/clean: Only when necessary. Like when David and/or I don't have time.
Help: I want the kids and husband to help with the inside chores.
Clean floors: I want everyone to have chores and to try to keep the floors clean.
This therapy session ended in screaming and crying and fighting by me and my husband. I feel like I don't want him there. I want to finish this therapy on my own. Him being there made it worse. This was the first time in many weeks that I left therapy angry and sad. My marriage felt like it was in crumbles. I thought this therapy was about me, not about my marriage. Marriage counseling is supposed to come after I complete CPT therapy. So many marriage problems and arguments came out during this session. It made me angrier at my husband. I feel as if I beginning to HATE him. I am frightened by this. I feel like this therapy should be about ME and not about HIM. I felt as if he only cared about himself.
He kept yelling over and over about how I do not SUPPORT him with his career.
I don't understand. My therapist doesn't understand. What does he want me to do to show SUPPORT? I work full time too!
Homework was given to both of us:
My husband had to write out his idea of a "school night routine" and exactly what SUPPORT of his career looks like (because we couldn't seem to understand what he was talking about).
My homework was to do ABC worksheets on the areas of power/control that I listed above that I wanted to change and to write out my idea of a "school night time routine". Pretty much, exactly the same as I do on the nights he's at the firestation.
