#27 Session 11 Therapy and Homework

This session was just between my therapist and me.
That way I can focus.
I was scared of this session.  After session 3 and 4, this was the one I worried about.

Then my therapist told me that intimacy doesn't only deal with others.  You have to be intimate with yourself.  I was confused.

Then I read the intimacy module.

Intimacy Issues Module

Beliefs Related to SELF: An important function for stability is the ability to soothe and calm oneself. This self-intimacy is reflected in the ability to be alone without feeling lonely or empty. When a trauma occurs, people react differently depending on their expectancy of how well they will cope.

Prior Experience

Positive
A person with stable and positive self-intimacy may experience the traumatic event as less traumatic because of the expectancy and ability of drawing support from internal resources. However, if the event is in conflict with earlier self-intimacy belief, the person may feel overwhelmed or flooded by anxiety.

Negative
If you had prior experiences (or poor role models) that led you to believe that you are unable to cope with negative life events, you may have reacted to the traumatic event with negative beliefs that you were unable to soothe, comfort, or nurture yourself.

Symptoms Associated With Negative Self-Intimacy Beliefs
􀂾 Inability to comfort and soothe self  I have this symptom.  See below at: May look to external sources of comfort
􀂾 Fear of being alone I have this symptom.

􀂾 Experience of inner emptiness or deadness I have this symptom.

􀂾 Periods of great anxiety or panic if reminded of trauma when alone
􀂾 May look to external sources of comfort—food, drugs, alcohol, medications, spending money, or sex I have this symptom.

􀂾 Needy or demanding relationships

Beliefs Related to OTHERS: The longing for intimacy, connection, and closeness is one of the most basic human needs. The capacity to be intimately connected with other people is fragile. It can easily be damaged or destroyed through insensitive, hurtful, or unempathic responses from others.

Prior Experience

Positive
If you had previously had satisfying intimate relationships with others, you may find that the event (especially if committed by an acquaintance) may leave you believing that you could never be intimate with anyone again.

Negative
Negative beliefs may result from traumatic loss of intimate connections. The event may seem to confirm your belief in your inability to be close to another person.

Posttraumatic Experience
You may also experience a disruption in your belief about your ability to intimate with others if you were blamed or rejected by those who you thought would be supportive.

Symptoms Associated With Negative Others-Esteem Beliefs
􀂾 Pervasive loneliness (spreading widely throughout an area or a group of people)  I have this symptom. 
􀂾 Emptiness or isolation I have this symptom.  See above at:  Experience of inner emptiness or deadness 
􀂾 Failure to experience connectedness with others even in relationships that are genuinely loving and intimate I have this symptom.