After I read the Esteem Module, I knew apologizing, empathizing, and criticism were my biggest issues.
They are my weaknesses.
Anything that has to deal with feelings associated with having friends.
I don't consider myself a "social" person. I've never had many "real friends".
So, I wanted to see what others thought about me. Others included my family, real friends, and acquaintances.
I made a survey online for people to answer anonymously.
There were 10 questions:
1)How hard working am I?
2) What do you like most about me?
3) What do you like least about me?
4) What could I do to improve myself?
5) Do I apologize when needed?
6) How emotionally close do you consider me?
7) How well do I take criticism?
8) How well do I work with others?
9) What is most important to me? Family, friends, or work?
10) Describe the last time you saw me angry.
This was EYE OPENING for me!
Even though they were answered anonymously, I could mostly tell if they were from family, friends, or co-workers. But that didn't bother me. It was kind-of fun guessing which ones were from what group.
What wasn't fun was facing the truth.
I knew my weaknesses, but I didn't know that they knew them too.
The answers were the following:
How hardworking is Ashley?
- Answered: 14
- Skipped: 0
Extremely
hardworking
Quite
hardworking
Moderately
hardworking
Slightly
hardworking
Not at all
hardworking
0%10%20%30%40%50%60%70%80%90%100%
Extremely hardworking
|
71.43%
10
|
Quite hardworking
|
14.29%
2
|
Moderately hardworking
|
14.29%
2
|
Slightly hardworking
|
0.00%
0
|
Not at all hardworking
|
0.00%
0
|
| Total | 14 |
2) What do you like most about me?
She is very creative and willing to try all kinds of things, even the out if the ordinary.
6/10/2014 6:01 PM View respondent's answers
Her creativity
6/10/2014 5:25 PM View respondent's answers
Her personality, great sense of humor, love of learning, dedication and commitment to work. She is very trustworthy and honest. She knowledgeable in so many areas. She is a delight to be around.
6/4/2014 4:20 PM View respondent's answers
She is very down to earth and honest. You never have to guess where you stand with her and she is very loyal. She is also a GREAT mother!
5/31/2014 8:05 PM View respondent's answers
She's creative, intelligent, gives to her students 150%! She never gives up on anything.....she always finds a way to get something done. Talented in art. works very hard at school and home.
5/31/2014 8:03 PM View respondent's answers
Her looks
5/30/2014 11:23 PM View respondent's answers
She loves deeply
5/30/2014 11:20 PM View respondent's answers
She has a big heart.
5/30/2014 8:08 PM View respondent's answers
Shes a very straight forward person, that will not hold back and tells you how it is. She's strong willed and someone that will be honest with you.
5/30/2014 5:59 PM View respondent's answers
Her "go get em" attitude! Always seems like there is nothing that can stop her from accomplishing her goals! And if you needed the shirt off of her back she would gladly give you whatever she had!
5/30/2014 5:16 PM View respondent's answers
Her ability to be honest and truthful
5/30/2014 4:03 PM View respondent's answers
Ashley works hard to help anyway that she can even if it makes her uncomfortable.
5/30/2014 2:58 PM View respondent's answers
That she will stand up for her family and friends regardless the situation
5/30/2014 2:57 PM View respondent's answers
Her adventurous spirit and her love of children and learning
5/30/2014 2:36 PM View respondent's answers
I like how people consider me trustworthy and honest.
3) What do you like least about me?
She can come off as very conceited or rude at times.
6/10/2014 6:01 PM View respondent's answers
Shares too much personal information
6/10/2014 5:25 PM View respondent's answers
I worry about her mood swings. I hope that Ashley can learn that she can only change/control herself or the way she reacts to things when it comes to marital situations.
6/4/2014 4:20 PM View respondent's answers
she can be "unrefined" in statements she makes-blunt
5/31/2014 8:03 PM View respondent's answers
Her meanness
5/30/2014 11:23 PM View respondent's answers
Difficulty listening to others tell stories/talk/share/etc. without seeming to take over conversation and try to "one up" whatever the person is talking about
5/30/2014 11:20 PM View respondent's answers
I worry about what she is going to say.
5/30/2014 8:08 PM View respondent's answers
At times she seems standoffs.
5/30/2014 5:59 PM View respondent's answers
Blows things out of proportion and holds grudges; needs to let things go sometimes.
5/30/2014 5:16 PM View respondent's answers
Inability to trust, rarely accepts others opinions if her mind is set
5/30/2014 4:03 PM View respondent's answers
She talks badly about her husband and others sometimes.
5/30/2014 2:58 PM View respondent's answers
There is not anything I don't like, but I know she is not one for hugs. I am a very affectionate person an I show it through physical contact. Physical contact has never been big with Ashley. She is making progress on this so I am proud of her!
5/30/2014 2:57 PM View respondent's answers
That she doesn't take care of herself or value the woman that she is
5/30/2014 2:36 PM View respondent's answers
This is why I needed this survey. Now I know how my "outer shell" looks. I am always defensive. I have to be the best and for people to know I'm the best. Things that come out of my mouth can be horrid.
It's like I don't want people to like me as a friend. It's like I prevent myself from gaining friends because I care so much about how "tuff" I look.
4) What could I do to improve myself?
Let people in, if someone is friendly, be friendly back.
6/10/2014 6:01 PM View respondent's answers
Talk less about personal issues ??? and maybe listen more??? - my own insight on comment
6/10/2014 5:25 PM View respondent's answers
Her personal appearance and cleanliness/hygiene. She is so beautiful inside and out but sometimes does not look the part.
6/4/2014 4:20 PM View respondent's answers
dress nicer ( iron clothes if needed), fix her hair( she's got beautiful hair) ,wear some makeup(doesn't need much because she is very pretty, Get out and about with a friend- go to the mall, have a pedicure, buy herself something special to wear
5/31/2014 8:03 PM View respondent's answers
Be nice
5/30/2014 11:23 PM View respondent's answers
Improve by stop trying TO PROVE. She doesn't need to prove anything, 1 up anyone, or be the center of attention. She is liked. She is loved and she is accepted, so stop trying so hard.
5/30/2014 11:20 PM View respondent's answers
Think before she speaks.
5/30/2014 8:08 PM View respondent's answers
Take more time just for herself and her hobbies.
5/30/2014 5:59 PM View respondent's answers
Be more open an upfront with yourself! Relax a little and let life happen! It's okay to not be perfect and have faults! She's a wonderful person and just want her to see that too!
5/30/2014 5:16 PM View respondent's answers
Break bad habits and know she has the will power to do so
5/30/2014 4:03 PM View respondent's answers
Ashley could improve herself by looking at the positive even when there is negative in her life.
5/30/2014 2:58 PM View respondent's answers
Know that it is okay to cry. She is always so tough and it is healthy to cry.
5/30/2014 2:57 PM View respondent's answers
Allow herself some grace. Truly embrace the belief that she can only control her actions and reactions ; no one else
5/30/2014 2:36 PM View respondent's answers
I think it's a lot like the previous question.
5) Do I apologize when needed?
I'm not sure
6/10/2014 6:01 PM View respondent's answers
N/a
6/10/2014 5:25 PM View respondent's answers
Yes, I have seen her really work on this.
6/4/2014 4:20 PM View respondent's answers
I've never been in a situation where she needed to apologize to me.
5/31/2014 8:05 PM View respondent's answers
I believe she would...no example
5/31/2014 8:03 PM View respondent's answers
No
5/30/2014 11:23 PM View respondent's answers
I think if it is someone close to her, yes. If she's not close to them then no. Maybe doesn't know or care that she's offended them?
5/30/2014 11:20 PM View respondent's answers
I don't know.
5/30/2014 8:08 PM View respondent's answers
Yes
5/30/2014 5:59 PM View respondent's answers
Given our history of a difficult disagreement a few years ago, I would have to say no.
5/30/2014 5:16 PM View respondent's answers
She doesn't apologize but she makes it right.
5/30/2014 4:03 PM View respondent's answers
Yes, she tells when she was wrong even if it was hard for her to admit she was wrong.
5/30/2014 2:58 PM View respondent's answers
I don't remember a time when Ashley ever needed to apologize
5/30/2014 2:36 PM View respondent's answers
To me, the only thing that matters is that there is a NO. In fact, there are 3 of them. This is something I have got to change about myself. I always knew apologizing was hard, but I have never faced the issue. Now I will.
6) How emotionally close do you consider me?
How emotionally close do you consider Ashley's friendship?
- Answered: 14
- Skipped: 1
Very Close (We
can share...
Good (We don't
have as many...
Aquaintences
(We never ha...
0%10%20%30%40%50%60%70%80%90%100%
Very Close (We can share everything)
|
21.43%
3
|
Good (We don't have as many personal conversations as we should)
|
57.14%
8
|
Aquaintences (We never have personal exchanges)
|
21.43%
3
|
| Total | 14 |
WRONG
I have to quit telling myself that the only people that matter are the people who are the closest.
The definition of acquaintance on the survey makes me curious, though. So, I looked the answers up a different way, individually. Here are the answers that the 3 gave who never have personal exchanges with me:
Q1: How hardworking is Ashley?
Q2: What do you like most about Ashley?
I love her boldness to be herself and not fear what others think about her. I love & admire how confident she is in herself as a woman and mom.
Q3: What do you like least about Ashley?
She can be negative when talking about life or her spouse & sometimes I think it could be hurtful to her spouse.
How would they know this if we never have personal exchanges? Maybe one of my husband's friends? Possibility since I asked people on Facebook to take this survey.
Q4: What could Ashley do to improve herself?
Being aware of her natural faults and continuing to strive to be better. No one is perfect & she is doing exactly what anyone could to becomes better.
Q5: Does Ashley apologize when needed? Give examples if you have them.
Unknown
Q6: How emotionally close do you consider Ashley's friendship?
Q7: How well does Ashley take criticism?
Q9: Take into consideration what you know about Ashley. Please rank the following as to what you feel is most important to Ashley.
Q10: Describe the last time you saw/heard Ashley angry or mad.
Facebook posts
Maybe they only know me from what I put on FaceBook.
Q1: How hardworking is Ashley?
Q2: What do you like most about Ashley?
Her creativity
Q3: What do you like least about Ashley?
Shares too much personal information
So we don't have personal exchanges, but this is their answer? I'm confused.
Q4: What could Ashley do to improve herself?
Talk less about personal issues
Q5: Does Ashley apologize when needed? Give examples if you have them.
N/a
Q6: How emotionally close do you consider Ashley's friendship?
Q7: How well does Ashley take criticism?
Q9: Take into consideration what you know about Ashley. Please rank the following as to what you feel is most important to Ashley.
Q10: Describe the last time you saw/heard Ashley angry or mad.
N/a
This is my husband's cousin's answers:
Q1: How hardworking is Ashley?
Q2: What do you like most about Ashley?
Her "go get em" attitude! Always seems like there is nothing that can stop her from accomplishing her goals! And if you needed the shirt off of her back she would gladly give you whatever she had!
Q3: What do you like least about Ashley?
Blows things out of proportion and holds grudges; needs to let things go sometimes.
Q4: What could Ashley do to improve herself?
Be more open an upfront with yourself! Relax a little and let life happen! It's okay to not be perfect and have faults! She's a wonderful person and just want her to see that too!
Q5: Does Ashley apologize when needed? Give examples if you have them.
Given our history of a difficult disagreement a few years ago, I would have to say no.
Q6: How emotionally close do you consider Ashley's friendship?
Q7: How well does Ashley take criticism?
Q9: Take into consideration what you know about Ashley. Please rank the following as to what you feel is most important to Ashley.
Q10: Describe the last time you saw/heard Ashley angry or mad.
Our last big argument a few years ago! Although we were both hurt and disagreed she took it a step further and abandoned our friendship and the hardest part was the relationship with me losing my cousin and my son losing his!
I'm confused by labeling it as aquaintance, but I guess that's because we did have a falling out. To this day, we both choose to only have a "family" relationship. I did consider her one of my best friends at one point of my life, but we both stopped the friendship after a disagreement. I also chose to keep it as a "family only" relationship because our friendship was an unhealthy one. It caused too much drama in our lives.
This one probably hurts the most. These are my husband's answers:
Q1: How hardworking is Ashley?
Q2: What do you like most about Ashley?
Her looks
This hurts. Obviously from the answers above, I need to make myself look better because I don't try. I don't care how I look. Isn't there something he likes more than my looks? What would happen if I was in an accident and was disfigured?
Q3: What do you like least about Ashley?
Her meanness
Q4: What could Ashley do to improve herself?
Be nice
Q5: Does Ashley apologize when needed? Give examples if you have them.
No
Q6: How emotionally close do you consider Ashley's friendship?
Q7: How well does Ashley take criticism?
Q9: Take into consideration what you know about Ashley. Please rank the following as to what you feel is most important to Ashley.
Q10: Describe the last time you saw/heard Ashley angry or mad.
Every day
I guess that's why marriage counseling begins after CPT PTSD therapy is over.
Q1: How hardworking is Ashley?
Q2: What do you like most about Ashley?
She has a big heart.
Q3: What do you like least about Ashley?
I worry about what she is going to say.
Q4: What could Ashley do to improve herself?
Think before she speaks.
Q5: Does Ashley apologize when needed? Give examples if you have them.
I don't know.
He does know. He knows the answer is NO. I should have apologized sooner (finally did a week ago) to my grandma about something that happened 6 months ago. He reminded me again about a month ago that I should have already apologized.
Q6: How emotionally close do you consider Ashley's friendship?
Q7: How well does Ashley take criticism?
Q9: Take into consideration what you know about Ashley. Please rank the following as to what you feel is most important to Ashley.
Q10: Describe the last time you saw/heard Ashley angry or mad.
When she asked me if I cheated on her mom two years ago.
This made my jaw drop. He has never brought this up. I did. And he said we weren't having the conversation, we we still haven't, to this day.
Q1: How hardworking is Ashley?
Q2: What do you like most about Ashley?
Her ability to be honest and truthful
Q3: What do you like least about Ashley?
Inability to trust, rarely accepts others opinions if her mind is set
Q4: What could Ashley do to improve herself?
Break bad habits and know she has the will power to do so
Q5: Does Ashley apologize when needed? Give examples if you have them.
She doesn't apologize but she makes it right.
Q6: How emotionally close do you consider Ashley's friendship?
Q7: How well does Ashley take criticism?
Q9: Take into consideration what you know about Ashley. Please rank the following as to what you feel is most important to Ashley.
Q10: Describe the last time you saw/heard Ashley angry or mad.
Phone call she was upset and frustrated
I don't know who answer this one, but they answered correctly. They do know me. The job before family took me by suprise.
2 out of 3 people who consider me very close think that work comes before family to me. I need to work on this. My job is very, very important to me, but nothing compares to my family.
How well does Ashley take criticism?
- Answered: 14
- Skipped: 1
Very well
Listens but
doesn't use ...
Not well. She
always defen...
Other (please
specify)
0%10%20%30%40%50%60%70%80%90%100%
Very well
|
7.14%
1
|
Listens but doesn't use my advice
|
14.29%
2
|
Not well. She always defends her actions.
|
42.86%
6
|
Other (please specify)
|
35.71%
5
|
| Total | 14 |
Unknown but seems to listen to others
6/10/2014 11:15 PM View respondent's answers
I can see this improving. She is listening and takes time to reflect.
6/4/2014 4:20 PM View respondent's answers
Never really seen her criticized
5/31/2014 8:05 PM View respondent's answers
I'd say criticism from other teachers roll off her back. Criticism from hubby hurts. It's a personal attack or insult to who she is
5/31/2014 8:03 PM View respondent's answers
Constructive criticism when given in a kind helpful manner. She tends to take criticism personally not always separating herself from the thing she might need to improve on.
I know this is a weakness of mine. I am going to work on it. Criticism hurts my pride, especially at work. I have always considered criticism negative. I need to STOP.
8) How well do I work with others?
Evaluate the following statements.
- Answered: 15
- Skipped: 0
Ashley works
well with...
Ashley likes
to work by...
Ashley likes
to join in...
00.511.522.533.544.55
Ashley works well with others.
|
0.00%
0
|
13.33%
2
|
13.33%
2
|
60.00%
9
|
13.33%
2
|
15
|
3.73
|
Ashley likes to work by helself.
|
0.00%
0
|
0.00%
0
|
26.67%
4
|
40.00%
6
|
33.33%
5
|
15
|
4.07
|
Ashley likes to join in conversation.
|
0.00%
0
|
6.67%
1
|
13.33%
2
|
53.33%
8
|
26.67%
4
|
15
|
4.00
|
9) What is most important to me? Family, friends, or work?
Take into consideration what you know about Ashley. Please rank the following as to what you feel is most important to Ashley.
- Answered: 15
- Skipped: 0
Ashley's JobAshley's Family
Ashley's
Social Network
00.511.522.533.544.55
Ashley's Job
|
26.67%
4
|
60.00%
9
|
13.33%
2
|
15
|
2.13
|
Ashley's Family
|
66.67%
10
|
26.67%
4
|
6.67%
1
|
15
|
2.60
|
Ashley's Social Network
|
6.67%
1
|
13.33%
2
|
80.00%
12
|
15
|
1.2
|
10) Describe the last time you saw me angry.
Facebook posts
6/10/2014 11:15 PM View respondent's answers
I often hear her vent about things, but have only heard her talking about things get husband has done that made her mad.
6/10/2014 6:01 PM View respondent's answers
N/a
6/10/2014 5:25 PM View respondent's answers
The only time I am aware of Ashley being upset is with David. Home Situations
6/4/2014 4:20 PM View respondent's answers
she just explains what has happened in her life-she doesn't freak out or throw things. I think she tries to understand the person she is mad at which is usually her husband because he is not doing his part of the marriage. i.e. helping with kids, laundry, housework, sports, homework and putting kids to bed.
5/31/2014 8:03 PM View respondent's answers
Every day <---- my husband's answer
5/30/2014 11:23 PM View respondent's answers
Heard her upset talking about something David did or didn't do. Don't remember what
5/30/2014 11:20 PM View respondent's answers
When she asked me if I cheated on her mom two years ago.
5/30/2014 8:08 PM View respondent's answers
Not sure
5/30/2014 5:59 PM View respondent's answers
Our last big argument a few years ago! Although we were both hurt and disagreed she took it a step further and abandoned our friendship and the hardest part was the relationship with me losing my cousin and my son losing his!
5/30/2014 5:16 PM View respondent's answers
Phone call she was upset and frustrated
5/30/2014 4:03 PM View respondent's answers
Ashley got mad when others did not listen to her when she was talking and interupting her.
5/30/2014 2:58 PM View respondent's answers
It had to do with David and his lack of understanding and sometimes insensitive nature. That seems to be a hot button for her. Also anyone questioning her professionalism.
5/30/2014 2:36 PM View respondent's answers
My husband. My anger points towards him. I don't know why. Hopefully marriage counseling we begin in a couple weeks can help.
