Session 10: Power/Control Issues
Before my husband and I went to therapy for Session 10, I had to have a talk with him. I expressed how I thought the focus of him going to therapy with me should be able be completing the program, to fix me, not to fix our marriage issues, yet. We had both previously agreed that we would do marriage counseling right after I finish my therapy because there are a lot of problems with our marriage. I explained to him how hard I had been working to change my thoughts and habits and how important completion of this program was for me. I had left therapy last week angry and upset with him. My homework included MARRIAGE issues, not PTSD issues.
I told him I thought it would be best to complete this program on my own before we started going to therapy together.
He was upset. He apologized. He acknowledged I was right, but insisted on him still going. He agreed not to argue this session and just be there for me.
Well, as soon as we walked into therapy, we went over Session 9's homework.
This time I was the problem.
He did sit back and listen as I went over last weeks ABC's. He didn't say a word.
Then it was his turn to talk about his homework.
I lost it. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't sit back and listen. I've never been able to. I got defensive, even walked out of the room once. I kept interrupting him.
I was the problem.
All three of us determined that I need to complete this program without him. I am not ready for blame or confrontation or to compromise.
I still have to learn those skills: listening, agreeing, not always being the center of conversation, and not being defensive.
After I calmed down, we went over Esteem. She questioned whether we needed to repeat Session 10 due to most of the therapy session being spent on my anger issues.
I pleaded and expressed how I can do this. I need to do this. I need to finish this, and how hard I would work on Esteem during the next week.
Esteem Issues Module
Beliefs Related to SELF: Self-esteem is the belief in your own worth, which is a basic human need. Being understood, respected, and taken seriously is basic to the development of self-esteem.
Prior Experience
Negative:If you had prior experiences that represented a violation of your own sense of self, you are likely to develop negative beliefs about your self-worth. The traumatic event may seem to confirm these beliefs. Prior life experiences that are associated with negative beliefs about the self are likely to be caused by:
- Believing other people’s negative attitude about you
- An absence of empathy and responsiveness by others
- The experience of being devalued, criticized, or blamed by others
- The belief that you had violated your own ideals or values
Positive:
If you had prior experiences that served to enhance your beliefs about your self-worth, then the traumatic event may disrupt those beliefs (your self-esteem).
Examples of Negative Self-Esteem (Self-Worth) Beliefs
I am bad, destructive, or evil
I am responsible for bad, destructive, or evil acts
I am basically damaged or flawed
I am worthless and deserving of unhappiness and suffering
Symptoms Associated With Negative Self-Esteem (Self-Worth) Beliefs
Depression
Guilt
Shame
Possible self-destructive behavior
Beliefs Related to OTHERS: These are beliefs about how much you value other people. In addition, a realistic view of others is important to psychological health. In less psychologically healthy people, these beliefs are stereotyped, rigid, and relatively unchanged by new information.
Prior Experience
Negative:If you had many bad experiences with people in the past or had difficulty taking in new information about people you knew (particularly negative information), you may have found yourself surprised, hurt, and betrayed. You may have concluded that other people are not good or not to be respected. You may have generalized this belief to everyone (even those who are basically good and to be respected). The traumatic event may seem to confirm these beliefs about people.
Positive:
If your prior experiences with people had been positive, and if negative events in the world did not seem to apply to your life, the event was probably a belief-shattering event. Prior beliefs in the basic goodness of other people may be particularly disrupted if people, who were assumed to be supportive, were not there for you after the event.
Examples of Negative Others-Esteem Beliefs
The belief that people are basically uncaring, indifferent, and only out for themselves
The belief that people are bad, evil, or malicious
The belief that the entire human race is bad, evil, or malicious
Symptoms Associated With Negative Others-Esteem Beliefs
Chronic anger
Contempt
Bitterness
Cynicism
Disbelief when treated with genuine caring compassion (“What do they really want?”)
Isolation or withdrawal from others
Antisocial behavior justified by the belief that people are only out for themselves
My homework was to go over the Esteem Module and figure out which symptoms I had.
I also had to compliment at least one person a day.
AND I had to do something for MYSELF every day. (I knew this task would be hard considering my husband works 24 hour shifts.)
My therapist also went back through my ABC's from Session 9 Homework. She picked out the ones she thought could be dealt with on my own and wait on doing the marriage issue ones during marriage counseling.
Usually my sessions are a week apart, but due to scheduling issues, I only had 4 days.
I had a lot to do this next week, but I was determined to get it done.
