Please write at least one page on what you think now about why this traumatic event occurred.
Also, consider what you believe now about yourself,
others,
and the world
in the following areas:
safety,
trust,
power/control,
esteem,
and intimacy.
What I believe in others:
What I believe in the world:
May this session forever bring
Also, consider what you believe now about yourself,
others,
and the world
in the following areas:
safety,
trust,
power/control,
esteem,
and intimacy.
Why did this even occur?
The two accounts occurred because a young, adult male decided to pleasure himself by using his strength against me. He CHOSE to do what he did, without allowing me a choice. I do not blame myself for the accounts. He is the only person to blame. He planned the accounts ahead of time and CHOSE to overpower me while I was sleeping. He did not care about my emotions or me telling him to stop.
What I believe in myself:
Safety: I take into consideration more than the average person due to the accounts. However, I know that there are things that will happen that are out of my control.
Trust: I trust my intuition. I trust myself to protect myself and my family.
Power/Control: I now realize that there are two parts to power and control. 1) Things I can control. 2) Things that I cannot control.
Esteem: I feel good about myself inside and out. I have changed a lot in the past 6 months.
Intimacy: I think this will take years to learn. I haven't taught myself how to self soothe or feel as comfortable as I should be when it comes to intimacy with my husband. I am working on this daily.
Safety: Although I would feel safest if I could handle a dangerous situation by myself, I also feel safe around friends, family, and most acquaintances. I believe most strangers are safe BUT not all are. The accounts made me aware of this.
Trust: I trust some more than others. Of course, it depends on our relationship and how close we are. Depending on the situation, I would or wouldn't trust a stranger. Therapy has made me realize that trust is an issue for me. I work on it daily; letting people close to me emotionally.
Power/Control: Before therapy, I said that the accounts made me become a person who is always in control of a situation. However, therapy has taught me that some things are out of my control AND I don't need to be in control all the time. I need to rely on others when needed.
Esteem: I work on this daily. Because I have become a new, better person over the past six months, I feel better about myself when I am around others, and I care more about others. I'm working on listening to others and talking about THEM instead of ALWAYS about me.
Intimacy: I'm still working on intimacy (closeness) with others. Intimacy is my biggest weakness. Intimacy with my husband is still a daily struggle.
Safety: Overall, the world is safe. However, I know there will always be things that are out of my control.
Trust: I'm working on trusting others. I know that I cannot trust everyone though. And I now know that I should break away from unhealthy relationships.
Power/Control: There are things that will happen that I have no control of. I will deal with them as they occur. I will always try to prevent negative things from happening, if possible.
Esteem: The survey I had people fill out about me gave me a new realization: I purposely don't let people in emotionally, and I purposely make myself look unattractive (on the outside and in). I have made drastic changes with this. Physically, I've been working on my appearance. Although I can't see myself ever ironing my outfits, I've been doing yoga, trying new makeup, and getting rid of unflattering clothing. Emotionally, I'm more considerate of others now.
Intimacy: Huge issue considering "the world". I need to work on self-intimacy and intimacy with others before I figure out "world intimacy". ALTHOUGH, I think this blog would fit under the category of showing "world intimacy".
Because of therapy...
I am a forever changed person.
I'm learning how to let others in, emotionally, and how to make friends by caring about their emotions.
I now care about whether I have empathy or apologize.
I'm no longer a control freak.
I'm learning how to relax without having negative thoughts running through my head.
My negative outlook on life is getting more positive.
I look forward to the person I'll become with more work on my weakness.
I'm trying to stop bad habits; I've cut back on picking.
My stomach is getting better. I can usually poop on my own now!
Most importantly, I've learned that I can only change myself. I cannot change others, only influence them.
That statement will save my marriage.
I am proud of myself.
May this session forever bring
