Sunday, March 30th, 2014
Part of Session 3 is to also work on ABC worksheets.
Last week, Cheryl, my therapist, started talking to me about my previous ABC worksheets and how some of them are from the accounts and some of them are just my personality.
So I decided to look at each stuck point and try to determine whether they are caused by my personality or accounts..
These are stuck points that were written BEFORE my Session 3 account recollection:
Because of Personality
Stuck Point #1: My wedding ring is too fancy to wear.
Stuck Point #2: It is hard for other to "get close" to me or get to know me.
Stuck Point #3: I can count people I consider real friends on one hand.
Stuck Point #4: I do not "hang out" or socialize other than at work.
Stuck Point #5: I would have to trust someone to do it right because I am so controlling.
Because of Accounts
Stuck Point #1: Looking attractive makes men look at me in a sexual way.
Stuck Point #2: Other adults touching me is uncomfortable.
Stuck Point #3: People near me are dangerous.
Stuck Point #4: Sex only happens to please my husband.
Stuck Point #5: David tries to have sex with me even if he knows I don't want to.
Stuck Point #6: When you are 12, you don't know right and wrong in all circumstances.
Stuck Point #7: Blankets and socks are suffocating.
(Could possibly be personality due to claustrophobia)
Stuck Point #8: Picking at myself is relaxing.
(Could possibly be personality due to OCD)
Stuck Point #9: Is my personality that I've grown to love going to change?
Stuck Point #10: Am I more worried about saving myself than my marriage?
Stuck Point #11: I don't trust anyone completely.
(Could be caused by personality from childhood.)
Stuck Point #12: Drug and smoking experimentation.
Stuck Point #13: Avoidance of thoughts.
Stuck Point #14: I don't ever listen to music anymore because it causes too much emotion.
(Could be caused by personality due to deaths or marriage problems.)
Stuck Point #15: I avoid any place where there's people I don't know.
(Could be caused by personality.)
Stuck Point #16: My stomach hurts constantly.
(Could be caused by personality due to other stressors in my life.)
These are stuck points that were written AFTER my Session 3 account recollection (new stuck points):
Because of Personality
Stuck Point #6: I was sexually curious before I was raped.
Because of Accounts
Stuck Point # 17. I am a leader.
Stuck Point #18: I try to be a good leader.
Stuck Point #19: He thought I was sleeping.
Stuck Point #20: I never said what happened except to Neil for 10 years.
Stuck Point #21: Neil will be a friend I'll always have.
Stuck Point #22: It wasn't Jamie's fault, and I wouldn't tell her.
Stuck Point #23: I said yes to spending the night.
Stuck Point #24: What did he want with me? Why me?
Stuck Point #25: I couldn't speak up.
Stuck Point #26 Why didn't I yell louder?
Stuck Point #27: Maybe I was numb the second time.
Stuck Point #28: His mom yelled to him, "What are you doing?" (new thought since therapy)
Stuck Point #29: The smell of private parts disgusts me because of him smelling his fingers.
Stuck Point #30: Did he tell his friends? (new thought since therapy)
Stuck Point #31: Did he ever do this to anyone else? (new thought since therapy)
Stuck Point #32: I told Neil.
Stuck Point #33: I avoided Jamie completely.
Stuck Point #34: I cannot stand having long pubic hair.
Stuck Point #35: Where is he now?
Stuck Point #36: My dad moved back to Illinois, will I see him again? (new since therapy, I found out in February that my dad will be moving from Washington state back to Illinois due to a new job)
Stuck Point #37: I can't remember what he looks like.
Stuck Point #38: I don't ever want to see him again.
